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I Didn’t Bring Flowers

  I didn't bring flowers to your grave, but I brought tears. As I leaned down the tears splashed on your headstone. So I dipped my finger in the puddle and used it as an inkwell to trace your name.  I know you are more alive than ever and in heaven right now but the...

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Before Him shall bow all who go down to the dust,
even the one who could not keep himself alive.

Psalm 22:29

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Christian Suicide Loss

Our Story

of suicide loss

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Why You Are Here

   The week my son Tristan ran to heaven, I remember feeling desperate to hear from other Christians who had children that could not keep themselves alive. Surely, my husband and I are not the only ones? Surely, there are other children who loved Christ and lived for Him until they could not stand to live any longer? I opened my computer and googled the first words that came to mind: Christian, suicide, loss, family. Then I waited for help to pop up on my screen.

   Nothing. Nothing came up.

   At first, I thought I must have made a typo, so I tried different words again and again. The only things I could find were groups for suicide survivors. There was not a single site for people like us: A mom and a dad with a family who loved the Lord, who leaned on God’s Word, and who never imagined that suicide could touch their lives.

   If you are that person, this website is for you.

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"Come and hear, all you who fear God,
And I will tell what He has done for my soul."
Psalm 66:16

I Didn’t Bring Flowers

  I didn't bring flowers to your grave, but I brought tears. As I leaned down the tears splashed on your headstone. So I dipped my finger in the puddle and used it as an inkwell to trace your name.  I know you are more alive than ever and in heaven right now but the...

read more
The Hardest Part

The Hardest Part

  . I used to think that my love for you was so fierce that I would die for you. I didn't know that living for you would be the harder task. Dying for you would have been easy. It's the living on after you're gone that is the hard part. The pain you carried was...

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Through the Fire

Through the Fire

  This is the third year of you leaving forever. I wonder if God told you in heaven what He was going to do here for us this week?   You died in our garage three years ago, and on last Wednesday at 10:45 it went up in flames. I'm glad it happened in...

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Brothers

Brothers

. Sawyer, my younger son,  has not opened up to us much since Tristan ran to heaven. But it's Sawyer's birthday tomorrow and he just said the sweetest thing: . "Mom, are you going to be sad that I'm turning 19?" It took a moment to understand what he meant. . "Oh, you...

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We Don’t Know When

We Don’t Know When

. There is an anniversary but I never know when it's going to hit. I can't really anticipate it because it can come at any time. It came today. The first snow. . When you were little you ran with your siblings to the window and jumped up and down with glee. It didn't...

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