It’s snowing today. You delighted in the first snow. These flakes stay suspended in the air as if they can’t quite decide to cover the earth without you being here to greet them.
I know how they feel.
Is it worth being on this earth when it’s Tristanless? But for our Maker, we obey. Falling, falling down and doing what we were designed to do.
He holds the storehouses of the snow. He delighted to give you many a wintery day with sledding hills and hot chocolate, snow forts and spy tunnels, everyone racing to find the longest icicle.
Now it’s snow tires and shoveling the walkways. Warming up the cars and scraping the windshields. I wish the ice could fall away from my heart so easily. Can someone come and scrape off the cold? Do I have to wait for heaven for that to happen?
Always winter and never Christmas. I want Christmas to stay away so I don’t have to remember you loving it. Putting up the snow village in your Santa hat, and being the first one to sneak a candy cane off the tree.
But you are with the One who gave us Christmas in the first place. In heaven, do they celebrate the day He came to earth? I wonder if Jesus and you are watching all of us down here getting ready for His birthday. Does He take delight in that the way you did?
I’m not celebrating much since you left. I guess it’s all being saved up for the day we’re together again. I’m kind of hovering above it all, like the snowflakes, trying to decide if it’s worth making this earth my home again.
I’m glad He understands the way I feel. He knows what it’s like for the loved ones left behind —
… Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, where are you going?” Jesus answered him, “Where I am going you cannot follow me now, but you will follow afterward.” Peter said to him, “Lord, why can I not follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” Jesus answered, “Will you lay down your life for me?…” John 13:36-38a
Dear God, Just living here without my boy is laying down my life for you. I can still see Tristan’s face trying to catch a snowflake on his tongue. Can you tell him I’m going to do that in memory of him? Help me greet Your birthday as a gift to both of us. Your life saved us! I can celebrate that. Surely I can celebrate that. Can you tell Tristan I’m trying even though it’s really, really hard? Tell him I’ll find the longest icicle and smash it in his honor. In Jesus most precious and Holy name, Amen.
