I highly recommend finding a professional in your area that is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy. It took away the trauma of flashbacks for me.
Short answer: No. Nothing in scripture supports the interpretation of Matthew 12 as talking about suicide. The unpardonable sin was limited to those who witnessed Jesus’ miracles, power and authority, yet ascribed his work to Beelzebul, and rejected him as the Messiah.
The short answer is, you don’t have to stop crying. Jesus was sorrowful “unto death” in the garden of Gethsemane so you are in good company. Suicide loss is one of the hardest losses to process. You may have shock, or trauma. Crying can last for weeks, months, or years. Take heart, our own dear Lord experienced a sorrow that almost killed Him as He sweat great drops of blood in prayer and anguish. Jesus has gone there before you. Call out to Him to find mercy and grace to help you in this time of need. He will meet you right where you are.
Only 20% of suicides leave a note. I have heard from some parents that the note they found didn’t sound anything like their child because it was from a traumatized brain. God was gracious in allowing us to find a goodbye note from Tristan on his computer. Tristan was a writer and in God’s sovereignty, left us a coherent, assuring, and loving goodbye letter. We read the contents of that note during his memorial service which you can find under “Resources” on this website.
You will know when it is time. I would recommend not giving away anything of sentimental value in a rush decision. I made the mistake of giving away a pair of sunglasses that reminded me of Tristan but I wasn’t sure they actually belonged to him. They were soon lost at the bottom of a river and I was heartbroken. Grief does weird things to your brain. Err on the side of caution when it comes to getting rid of any belongings and do what feels right to you. In time, I’m told, you will have the strength to go through your loved ones things more objectively. That still hasn’t happened for me.
We’ve heard from people that had to find another church for a few years. Going back is tough because many people have moved past your grieving stage and it feels hurtful to see them having moved on. Others may expect you to have moved on as well when your journey is only beginning. Be gentle with yourself. Only return when you are strong enough and if you aren’t, it might be good to visit another church. Just make sure you have a trusted pastor or mature Christian friend that is keeping tabs on you so you don’t fall through the cracks with no help at all.