Frequently Asked Questions

Help, I have flashbacks of finding my child!

I highly recommend finding a professional in your area that is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy. It took away the trauma of flashbacks for me.

Help, I can't sleep
Sleep during the first several weeks was evasive. Doctors tried to prescribe different medicines but they had their own side effects. Sadly, suicide ideation can be one of the side effects so be careful if you choose a sleep aid. One that I found that had the least side effects was an over-the-counter med called doxylamine succinate. Costco carries it under the name Kirkland Sleep Aid but it’s also sold in many generic preparations. I cut my tablets in 1/2 and it worked very well.
Another thing that helped me rest was listening to Scripture Lullabyes by Hidden in My Heart. Their music is also available on Youtube.
Is suicide the unpardonable sin?

Short answer: No. Nothing in scripture supports the interpretation of Matthew 12 as talking about suicide. The unpardonable sin was limited to those who witnessed Jesus’ miracles, power and authority, yet ascribed his work to Beelzebul, and rejected him as the Messiah.

Help, I can't stop crying

The short answer is, you don’t have to stop crying. Jesus was sorrowful “unto death” in the garden of Gethsemane so you are in good company. Suicide loss is one of the hardest losses to process. You may have shock, or trauma. Crying can last for weeks, months, or years. Take heart, our own dear Lord experienced a sorrow that almost killed Him as He sweat great drops of blood in prayer and anguish. Jesus has gone there before you. Call out to Him to find mercy and grace to help you in this time of need. He will meet you right where you are.

Are there any support groups for Christian suicide loss?
We have searched far and wide and as of 12/07/2020 we have not been able to find any Christian groups dedicated to suicide loss. Please contact us if you know of one. Griefshare is a Christian grief support group that covers loss in general and may have a suicide loss participant or leader if you find the right group.
Did your son leave a note?

Only 20% of suicides leave a note. I have heard from some parents that the note they found didn’t sound anything like their child because it was from a traumatized brain. God was gracious in allowing us to find a goodbye note from Tristan on his computer. Tristan was a writer and in God’s sovereignty, left us a coherent, assuring, and loving goodbye letter. We read the contents of that note during his memorial service which you can find under “Resources” on this website.

How long should I wait to go through belongings?

You will know when it is time. I would recommend not giving away anything of sentimental value in a rush decision. I made the mistake of giving away a pair of sunglasses that reminded me of Tristan but I wasn’t sure they actually belonged to him. They were soon lost at the bottom of a river and I was heartbroken. Grief does weird things to your brain. Err on the side of caution when it comes to getting rid of any belongings and do what feels right to you. In time, I’m told, you will have the strength to go through your loved ones things more objectively. That still hasn’t happened for me.

Help, no one understands
Suicide loss is such a particular pain that few can understand it unless they’ve been through it themselves. I was blessed enough to find a like-minded Believer through an old pastor that started a Facebook group for Suicide Loss Moms. See what you can find on Facebook or contact us for help.
Help, I just can't go back to church

We’ve heard from people that had to find another church for a few years. Going back is tough because many people have moved past your grieving stage and it feels hurtful to see them having moved on. Others may expect you to have moved on as well when your journey is only beginning. Be gentle with yourself. Only return when you are strong enough and if you aren’t, it might be good to visit another church. Just make sure you have a trusted pastor or mature Christian friend that is keeping tabs on you so you don’t fall through the cracks with no help at all.