Thinking about Etta with her parents in heaven at this very moment has helped me during flashes of missing Tristan this past week.

It got me thinking. How would my life look different if I knew I was going to see Tristan in, say, 6 days? My day would look a lot different! I would be thrilled and my spirits would be lifted and I would be thanking God for the coming reunion. I think my heart would beat so hard it would come out of my chest!  I would be happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

Then I realized that as Christians with child loss,  time is the only fluid piece of the puzzle that is not in place for our particular pain. We know we will see them again. We know we will be reunited. We know where they are, and we know we are going there. Time is the only thing we don’t know.

God holds that secret. He knows the time. He appoints it. So the closer we are to Him, the more we can trust Him for the amount of time that ever flows onward as we wait. Trusting Him for that specified amount of time is an act of allegiance. Allegiance is another word for faith.

We trust Him for where they are.

We trust Him for where we’re going.

Our job is now to trust Him for WHEN it’s going to happen.

Do this exercise for just a second. Really imagine the time is just around the corner.

Does it increase your joy? Does it relieve your affliction to a degree? God tried to get us to see it that way by telling us to think of this waiting period as “a light momentary affliction” in comparison…

 “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison,”   (2 Corinthians 4:17)

It might be soon! But, most likely time will drag on and on as we wait. When I fall apart I go to my faithful friend and “second mom” to Tristan, Trisha. Trisha listens and then usually says something that’s worthy of putting on a needle-point pillow.

Just today we ate lunch in my car so I could cry and cry. Trish made it all better. Then just before I dropped her off, I said, “Do you think it’s okay that life distracts me from processing all of my grief? Or am I supposed to go through all the hard stuff so I can get back to real life?”

She said, “I think you’ll be processing this your whole life. And real life is a break from it. It’s not that God’s given us a mundane life, it’s that He’s given us the gift of a mundane life. We couldn’t possibly process it all at once or it would kill us.” 

That gave me such relief because when real life would take over I used to feel like I was forgetting or moving on without Tristan.

There is a Record of His Faithfulness

Many of the saints that have gone before us were given promises by God, like pieces of a puzzle put into place, but with one piece missing– time. 

Abraham was promised an heir.

David was promised a kingdom.

Israel was promised a Messiah.

God knew we as His people would need to look back in time and see in the record that He is someone who can be trusted while we wait. His time comes when it comes and He doesn’t waste the waiting.

We don’t want to do what Abraham did and act on our doubt. Press into Him. Recount the Faithfulness He showed to His saints. We know the stories, and if not, we can dive into His Word so we’ll recognize those saints when we meet in heaven. Your loved one may be talking with David, Moses, or Abraham right now!

Dear God, I wonder what Sarah’s daily life looked like as she got older and older and there was no Isaac yet? I wonder what Abraham’s prayers sounded like while he got older and older with no promised heir?  Every day there was no answer. Every day there was another day coming at them absent of what they wanted. Yet, You put their lives down for us to learn from. I wonder if someone will learn from us after we’re gone and they have their own waiting to do? Make us faithful. May we exercise our allegiance to You until we finally get there. In Jesus’ name, Amen.