Our friend in Singapore said her boy prayed for us last night because it was already February 10 for them. I forgot that part of the world sees your birthday first. I wonder, when is it February 10th in heaven?
Our cats are used to my scream-crying. I thought they might try to comfort me, but there are no comforters here. I wonder if I have witnesses I can’t see. A few angels sent to protect me, Jesus Himself? If so, they are comforters I cannot see or even feel.
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This was the morning we’d wake up to celebrate your birthday. Instead of being with us, you are with the host of heaven. Oh, Tristan. You are there as sure as the angel Gabriel stands in the presence of God. He was sent to bring a message to Zechariah. He was sent to bring a message to Mary. I wonder if he was sent to bring you home the night I prayed for angels to be surrounding you?
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You are with Gabriel. And Jesus. And Mary the mother of Jesus. Maybe she can explain how much mothers love their babies and how hard it is to live without them. Maybe Eve can tell you how hard it was to live without her Abel. Mothers without their children are the most bereft of all because they carried them and released them into the world knowing they would wait for them in heaven when it was their time to come, not the other way around. The only way I can make it is to know that you are really, really, alive and well. You are not dead. God is the God of the living, not the dead. You ARE alive, just not with me. God decides when we get to be together again.
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God, in that case, what am I here for? Can you help me all these years as I wait to see how long I’ll be missing him? Help. Save me from myself, from this pain, from the life I don’t want. I will wait to see your redemption as all Your people have for ages and ages. You remain True, and Steadfast and Faithful despite what we feel or see in front of our face. Jesus, thank you for praying for me that my faith may not fail. I will go to your Word for comfort since You said it was better than your physical presence on this earth and You left it for us for that specific purpose. Please squeeze my boy for me. Trace his left eyebrow so he knows it’s from his mom. In Your name, Jesus, amen.
