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I took your brother, Sawyer, to the skateboard park for the first time since you died.
It reminded me of the old days when we’d grab our gear, throw it in the back of the truck, and race off to find a great place to skate.
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I remember your apprehensive faces at the top of a steep ramp, setting yourselves up to take that leap and just GO, despite the trepidation.
I remember the times you’d fall, and pick yourself right back up again.
I also remember the time you cut your finger so bad it ruined the session and we all decided to just go home.
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But then you stopped wanting to go with us. You stayed home. We went off without you thinking it might be just a week or two before you missed it. But you never did.
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I was thrilled when you found your own sport and it actually had a gym you could join. Parkour!
I remember sitting proudly, watching you test your strength, trying with all your might to reach the top of that wall. The other boys would throw a glance my way, hoping I might be watching them. I don’t know where their moms were, but I wouldn’t have missed seeing your skills for the world. I loved it. I loved watching you perform and I loved catching your eye after a particularly well-stuck landing.
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You knew I loved you. Didn’t you?
You knew you were worth a million dollars and more, more than my whole life?
Did you know that’s why I was there?
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I wish that love was enough to penetrate the darkness that captured your mind. You grew more distant as I stood knocking outside the door. And then came the day I was afraid knocking would push you further away so I marked time, instead.
Your imprisonment wasn’t something where you could fall and pick yourself back up again.
It was so bad, you decided to leave altogether, and just go home.
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I hope you remembered me before you left. The mom who always wanted to catch a glimpse, just so I could beam with pride at my sunshine boy. I would have sat forever just to watch the glory of you. I wish that had been enough to keep you here.
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Dear God, I guess I am giving my whole life now, as much as it’s changed. I didn’t know you gave him to me for only so long. If I have to stay here without him, please let this road count for something. Let the lessons we’ve learned from suffering and the Truth You’ve shown us from this horrific journey bring glory to You.
Can You tell Tristy that we went skating again? That we missed him and can’t wait to be together? Tell him, I promise I’ll watch him do parkour in the New Earth, off the mountainsides and creekbanks, to his heart’s content, giving glory to You. I’m beaming with pride at the thought of it. In Jesus most Holy and precious name, amen.
