The hard lesson I’ve learned since Tristan went home to Heaven is that two opposing things can be true at the same time.
“Lord, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you.” Psalm 88:1
That sounds like me, day and night crying out to God. But, if God is the God who saves me, why am I being left to cry out? Why doesn’t He just do the saving?
This brings up a common theme in scripture, God being a Refuge, a Shelter, a Protector, and allowing His children to work through this list:
Affliction
Endurance
Perseverance
Suffering
It’s clear from scripture that suffering is appointed in this life, not just because we’re part of a fallen world, but because God says yes to it:
Phil 1:29 For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe in him, but also to suffer for him,
1 Peter 4:12 Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you.
Rom 8:17 -heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him
2 Cor 1:5 For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
So, while God is our refuge, shelter, and protector. we see in Scripture something we wouldn’t expect:
Most often, God works through pain, while not delivering from pain.
People say, “God’s got you! He’ll get you through this!”
Well, Tristan hung himself. Did God get Tristan “through this”?
The hard truth is that sometimes God wipes away your tears in heaven, when they were not wiped away on this earth.
Our Winning Culture
Our definition of God winning is not the definition that God has in scripture.
If suffering is talked about so much in Scripture, why isn’t it given voice in the church through the music, the conversations we have there, and the comfort we should find there?
Ironically, church is the place my new normal is highlighted the most.
Todd and I stand with the rest of the congregation and as they sing “I’m standing on your promise, my God you never fail!”
I picture Todd cutting the rope that held my boy and trying to catch him before his body crashed to the ground.
Todd and I are different people now. Our praise songs are not happy. Our praise songs are cries to a God we don’t understand but still believe in.
Actually, when God was in charge of the songs people sang for Him (the Psalms), He included lyrics in the songbook that sounded like this:
I am overwhelmed with troubles
and my life draws near to death.
I am like one without strength.
cut off from your care.
You have put me in the lowest pit,
in the darkest depths.
you have overwhelmed me with all your waves.
You have taken from me my closest friends
my eyes are dim with grief.
Why, Lord, do you reject me
and hide your face from me?
Darkness is my closest friend.
Can you imagine singing THAT on Sunday? “DARKNESS IS MY CLOSEST FRIEND”. It seems blasphemous. But those are God’s words!
This is why we can trust that God has not abandoned us. He is our Refuge and Strength in the pain he allows us to experience on this earth. While the Christian culture has faltered in this area, Psalm 88 reveals that God knows exactly how we feel in our darkest moments.
Prayerfully, God will use the experience of grieving moms and dads to help the Body of Christ embrace the entire counsel of Scripture.
Dear God, I’m so confused by all the winning I see around me in all the churches I’ve been visiting. The band starts up and I cringe. Help! I want to worship You with my whole heart, not cringe. Thank you for creating your servant Heman, and letting his heart pour out what we need to hear. We are Heman. You are there for us in this horror, Psalm 88 proves it. You are so good to not leave us alone when Christian culture basically has. Please begin a movement so that all Your people may be served. Hug my boy for me, tell him how much his story is affecting the landscape down here. Tell him I miss my Tristy-wisty-one. In Jesus most Holy and precious name, amen.
