One of the unexpected side effects of losing Tristan is that I can’t meet people in the biblical account without also considering their end. I imagine what their lives were like before and after Jesus.
In Matthew 4 we meet two brothers, James and John, who are mending fishing nets with their father, Zebedee. They are working-class fishermen, but wealthy enough to own a boat. Their family has servants, so when they are called by Jesus to “follow me and I will make you fishers of men” they are not leaving their father irresponsibly. Did you know it was a common practice back then to follow a rabbi for a year, and sit at his feet to learn from him? It was not a crazy thing to do. It was a tradition called “powdering yourself in the dust of his feet”. It was learning from an excellent teacher of the law to become just like him. So nobody in their village would have given it a skeptical glance.
We also meet James and John’s mother.. She fought for her sons who were following this “rabbi”. Once it became known that Jesus was destined for greatness, she imagined what a calling her sons would have as His inner circle! Why not be the ones who sat at His right and at His left in positions of power and influence that only the most trusted and influential garnered? She was brash enough to ask if her boys could be the ones!
But Jesus answered, “You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am about to drink?” They said to Him, “We are able.” He said to them, “My cup you shall drink; but to sit on My right and on My left, this is not Mine to give, but it is for those for whom it has been prepared by My Father.” Matthew 20:22-23
They were thinking earthly, Jesus was thinking heavenly. He knew the brothers’ paths would diverge from one another before they ever got near a throne. God had prepared something different than this family expected.
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As I see this story unfold, I know the end. I know James and John, nicknamed the “Sons of Thunder” will be separated by death. James will be the first apostle to die in the persecution when the crowds turn from adulation to crying for Jesus’ crucifiction, and the city of Jerusalem turns ugly.
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John will be exiled to the island of Patmos, alone, but with a purpose. He will receive the Revelation given to Jesus for the church and write about the great Alpha and Omega, while James is in heaven with the great Alpha and Omega. John is recording, missing, trusting, James is beholding, conversing, waiting, and perhaps allowed to see his brother on that island from time to time, knowing one day he will greet him at heaven’s threshold. One brother writes about Jesus, the other is with Jesus. Both are fulfilling their exact purpose.
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I don’t know why James met an early death while his brother, John, lived for years and years serving the Lord here on earth. Just like I don’t know why my boy Tristan only lived 1/3 of the average lifespan. He may have lived 1/3 of a lifespan but Tristan lived his whole earthly life. It is God who designates those days. While it is fitting to grieve what we thought would be more, we are saved by knowing it is God who sets the time tables. Just like James’s life differed greatly from John’s but both were chosen, valuable, and appointed, our child’s lifespan was not shortened or wasted. Their lives gave glory to God for exactly His purpose.
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When we are tempted to doubt this we can look at James, one of Jesus’ most trusted disciples and one of the three Jesus kept the closest and poured into the most. Wouldn’t he sit at Jesus’ right or left hand, next to His throne? Wouldn’t James usher in the earthly kingdom Jesus was apparently establishing on earth, overthrowing Rome’s strangled hold and living in luxury and dominion for the rest of his life?
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No. There was a greater purpose. It involved death and sacrifice and a kingdom far, far away. But because of God’s greater purpose you and I will get to take part in it. It’s a better plan, a grander plan, a salvific plan. It saved our kids, and brought them into His heavenly kingdom.
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One day this same plan will usher in the New Earth where we will live with them for ever and ever. Far from a fairy tale, it is God who invented the “happily ever after”.
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And that is better than any plan a loving mother could wish for.
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Dear God, I remember my happily ever after back when I had four kids, not three. What happened? I’m so glad this is a story You are weaving and not me. I would call it a horror story. But You are not the author of horror. You redeem, restore, make all things new. ALL things. Even the worst decision Tristan ever made. Even the surreal new reality we find ourselves in now. I trust you. Help me wait to see what You are doing with it all. I am waiting, Tristan is waiting, You are waiting. Can we all wait together? That will make it go faster. Please squeeze my boy for me and tell him it’s from his mom. Save me from myself. In Jesus name, amen.
